confessions.

these things happen from time to time. the nights where i can't seem to complete a task. when nothing goes right, when i'm off my game and i leave work feeling completely and utterly defeated.

geez it is HARD having a type-A personality. i want everything to get done, done right, and done on time. i want everyone to like me. i want my patients to be clean, pretty, and healthy, i want the doctors to love me and trust my judgement. i want to be admired by my peers and respected by everyone around me.

HA.

instead i am constantly frazzled, running around like some sort of schizophrenic person. i mumble to myself as i walk, a combination of things i have to do and prayers to jesus to make the mess of my day better. most nights i feel like i'm neglecting my patients, because i never see them as much as i want to. there is always at least one desperate plea aimed at an aide to "please go see room --- and make sure that they're still alive because i haven't been in there in hours". my coworkers must think i'm absolutely insane, because i go onto tirades about injustice on a daily basis. the doctors want to steer clear of me because they don't want to hear my obsessive theories about what's wrong with their patients. my meds are always late, my charting is never as complete as it should be and yesterday i totally forgot to write out my report sheets AND i didn't do careplans. i almost always punch out at least 45 minutes late, and then i drive home only to remember several things that i forgot to do. my patients are never walked as many times as they need to be, i don't do IS with them every hour and sometimes i don't make them wear their SCDs. and i don't think that any of them ever brush their teeth which i think about all the time but am always too busy to ask. i'm horrible at prioritizing, i really don't know where any of the 'time' in my 'time management' goes, and almost every task takes me at least 3 trips in and out of a patient's room.

but before someone tries to take away my license...

i care about my patients. i give 100% even when that's more than i have to offer. i try to practice with prevention in mind. and i believe that making my patients feel comfortable is more important than giving them their meds on time or doing all of their paperwork.

so tonight, that's going to be enough for me.