this is not your house.
love, the help.
lord help me the visitors are going to make me lose it. i understand wanting to be there to support someone who's sick, but there are boundaries, people!! how do you know if you are the annoying visitor? i have compiled a list of problem visitors and their characteristics below.
the daycare:
you feel the need to bring 5 kids under 3 to the room, who cry and scream, run loose in the halls, and demand juice and graham crackers. extra points to you if you come up to the desk and ask for a pamper, then glare at me when i tell you we only have adult diapers.
the two-for-the-price-of-one patients:
you are the visitor who feels that your loved one's hospital stay is a good time to ask medical advice for your own health issues. chances are you were just discharged from the hospital or intend to go down to the ER while you're here to "get checked out". you have no problem asking staff to push you around in your wheelchair, take off your shoes for you, or to hook you up to the hospital oxygen. extra points if you ask me if i can help you go to the bathroom.
the move in and stay:
you don't leave. EVER. you bring a good portion of your personal belongings to leave around the room, use the patient's shower and bathroom for your beauty rituals, and take up all of the refrigerator space with your personal food. extra points to you if i have to ask who the patient is because you insist on wearing hospital gown and slippers.
the cuddler:
you are in the bed (ug, WHY do you need to be in the bed, seriously?). you make it hard for me to do my job because you are in my way. extra points to you if you are only partially clothed, and BONUS points if you are caught performing some sort of sex act on the patient by one of the staff members.
the whole damn family:
you are part of a 30 member group of aunts, cousins, and at least one elderly person with an assistive device parked right in front of the door. you spend your entire visit hunting down staff members to ask for extra chairs, even though you could not squeeze one more person or furniture item into the room. you make sure that each member of your group asks for a beverage, preferably at intervals so i have to run back and forth to the kitchen several times. extra points to you if you bring a bunch of fast food into the room that you leave sitting around for me to clean up when you go.
the homeless:
you make a habit of sleeping on different people's couches, usually because you are drunk or high most of the time and have no ambition. you like to latch on to a "friend" or distant relative you barely know and use their hospital room as your new home. you leave the room only to go get more drunk or high, and then like to come back and snore loudly enough in the recliner chair to wake half the floor. extra points if i need to wear a mask in the room because you decided to take your shoes off.
sadly i could go on. in fact just the other day we had to tell a family member that he couldn't sleep on the six foot long bench that he stole from another floor's waiting room and wheeled up to the room on a cart (which he also helped himself to). no. boundaries.
so don't be that visitor!! bring your own snacks! sit in the chair, don't sleep in the bed! and for the love of all that is good GO HOME once in awhile, you're driving me crazy.
