living the life.

humanity has been really disappointing me as of late.  the gunshots are rolling in by the dozens...six came in to the ED before noon yesterday alone.  and with them comes the inevitable drama....the three dozen entitled family members, the dueling baby mamas, and the endless string of detectives coming for interviews.

and for the first day or so of the hospitalization, the patients are scared straight, just a little.  before the gunshot wounds become badges of honor, they're just holes pouring blood.  and it hurts, and it's scary.  

but by day two, it's almost always the same.  the cell phones come out and the calls go out to all the homies, who then show up in droves to sit at the bedside and talk about how many times everyone in the room has been shot and where.  typically the conversation will turn to the shooter...and they usually know exactly who did it even though they usually tell the police it was just "some guy".  and to be honest i don't know why they all get shot, but i'm inclined to believe that most of the time it was a little their fault.  not because anyone deserves to be shot, but because these patients are reaping the rewards of their lifestyle.

i want to scream it from the rooftops.  MAKE GOOD CHOICES!!

is it really that hard?  stop selling drugs.  stop doing drugs too.  don't hang around shady people.  have a job, and go to work.  don't be in a gang.  don't make people who are in gangs angry.  stop being a pimp.  stop glorifying the hood lifestyle.  you are not 50 cent.  you are 29 and you've been shot twice now and just maybe it's time to sit down and look at your life and why these things keep happening to you.  

and i watch every day as the next generation of little gangstas are indoctrinated into the lifestyle.  they grow up coming to the hospital and visiting various relatives and acquaintances who have been shot or stabbed.  they sit quietly in the rooms while rap music blares, talking about "carrying 9s" and "doing your bid".  

i'm tired of acting like all this is normal.  THIS IS NOT NORMAL.  this is sick, and it's wrong, and i'm tired of rolling 19 year olds off of blood soaked sheets and trying to count entrance wounds.  what kind of evil does it take to look at another human being, then fire a gun at them?  9 GSWs is not a warning.

and right now i'm exhausted, but i really think that this is true: it's never going to change.  i've set myself up to spend the next 40 years of my life watching this community try to destroy itself.  and it's frustrating.  and it's typical.  but most of all, it's sad.  

it's really, really sad.