hello, i'm your friendly trauma nurse and i would like to take this opportunity to teach the general public how to not be so stupid. please pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.
may i start out with the cardinal rule: never tell your nurse you want to kill yourself. don't even imply it. and when you do start making foolish comments about throwing yourself out of the window (um, ground floor, try again), don't be surprised that you get a sitter and a psych consult faster than you can say 'suicide risk'.
another rule of thumb: please avoid attempting to punch hospital security in the face. though it's entertaining to watch you being tackled to the ground, i'm guessing that your fractures don't feel any better with 200 pounds of the law sitting on your back. for the record, assaulting hospital staff is the fastest way to get tied to your bed, or in this case handcuffed until the sheriff can come and arrest you.
this next tip might be common sense to some, but recent events prove that it deserves mentioning. if your mother is a morbidly obese diabetic on dialysis who lives in a group home, YOU SHOULD NOT BE GETTING HER DRUNK. seriously. day passes are for cute mother/son dinners and trips to church, not for slamming back 40s until mama's so plastered that she falls and breaks her face. three times the legal limit people...no lie.
it never ceases to amaze me how people are bound and determined to find new ways to totally screw themselves and the ones they love.
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