the long arm of the law is cramping my style

so i'm pretty sure that i discharged somebody to go die tonight.  my patient may or may not be a child molester.  he's tried to kill himself twice since he was accused.  and, somehow, it is my job to tell him, oh by the way, you're discharged now and the police just happen to be here to arrest you and take you to jail, where you will either a. be killed by the other prisoners when they find out what you're in for or b. kill yourself, for real this time.  i HATE this part of my job.  hate it.  the look on his face when the police came in....the palpable change in his demeanor and the anxiety that i could feel in the room...horrible.  he knew that i knew about this, and that i didn't tell him.  so where i was once his trusted nurse, now i'm just a messenger of 'the man', and also a big liar.  and as much as this man deserves to go to jail if he did indeed do what he's accused of, i'm the one who's feeling guilty.  he doesn't have a chance, and i was a part of that.  and say what you will about my bleeding heart, but the truth is, i could care less what people do to land themselves on my doorstep.  i have taken care of horrible people.  for example, the kid who shot two police officers when they came to his house to arrest him.  or the man who was drunk driving and killed a little kid.  or the guy who was drunk on his motorcycle and crashed into a truck, killing his girlfriend.  these people made bad choices, and some of them were just evil people.  but that has nothing to do with me.  i'm a nurse.  i give people competent, compassionate care whether they deserve it or not.  do i condone rape and murder?  absolutely not.  but while these people are under my care, they get what they give.  so if they are nice and polite, they get the same in return. 

so i feel guilty, even though i was just doing my job tonight.   because i led my patient out to be discharged like a lamb to the slaughter.  and i feel a little bit sad, because this is not what i signed up for.