the new crack

so here's a question: what happened to all the crackheads?  does no one do crack anymore?  i thought that they were the worst druggie patients ever, with all their chest pain and moaning and whining and going outside to "get air" aka smoke more crack, but i have seen the error of my ways.  the new worst druggie patients make me actually MISS the crackheads.  yeah, that's right.  do you know who the worst druggie patients ever truly are?  the HEROIN PEOPLE.

seriously.  worst ever.

pain control?  you might as well not even try.  nothing comes close, not even chewing the handful of oxy i just gave you so it looks like i at least tried.

life choices?  bad choices.  like drive your car into a cement wall and smash every bone in your face, bad.  like shoot yourself in the back because "no one cares about my chronic back pain", bad.

had you not been high on heroin, sir, you may have rethought the whole 'a GSW to the back will force them to do surgery to help my pain' thing, seeing as how your back is *still* non-op, only now you have trauma to L4, a massive muscle hematoma, and bullet fragments that snuck into your vena cava circulating through your body.

also you are currently chaptered, so threatening to leave AMA if you don't get more Dilaudid is not the bargaining chip you think it is.

side note: this patient also happened to have five cell phones.  FIVE.  in the bed with him.  so while i already knew he is a heroin addict, now i am also inclined to believe that he is also a dealer.  or he has a lot of friends....who he sells drugs to.  ok.    

STOP DOING HEROIN.  STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.

so apparently heroin is the new crack.  and all i have to say is bring back the crackheads.  at least i could deal with that kind of crazy.