today i had a moment -maybe my first- where i felt like i was exactly what my patient needed. she was getting her epidural and freaking out, so i stood in front of her, held both of her hands, and told her to breathe and that she was doing so good. just breathe. i kept her from panicking. no one else was getting it...the anesthesiologist had a job to do, her mom had to leave the room, and the nurse was monitoring her. so i stepped in and got her through it. it was one of the most satisfying things that i've ever done. i was a nurse today, and it was good.
this happened my junior year of college, during my OB clinical. i was so young, but my patient was younger. i still remember her terror, she was on the edge of an epic freak out and i was all that stood between her and blind panic. i knelt down in front of her until my legs went numb and murmured soothing things as the doctor put the ridiculously long epidural needle in her spine. after we got through it, i remember the nurse that i was shadowing looked at me, impressed. that was the first time that i knew that i was really supposed to be a nurse. and on days like these, when i can't remember the last helpful thing that i did and can't focus on anything except how hard this job is, this is something worth remembering.
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