a man and a woman are in bed. she's 400 pounds with 12 kids. he decides that she needs to be "cleansed", so he pours holy water all over her and her brand new mattress, then proceeds to eat unleavened bread in the bed. she gets mad because he's wrecking the mattress, and they start to fight. he starts choking her, and she calls out for her kids to help her. the kids come running and the man starts threatening them, saying he's going to rape the 17 year old daughter and her 3 year old child. the man starts chasing the girls around so the other kids go into the kitchen, get some knives, and start stabbing him. by the time the police get there, there's water, blood, and broken glass all over the entire house and the man has almost a dozen stab wounds.
...you know where this is going. right to my door.
the man comes in wearing a spit mask because he's out of control. we get in report that he's some child rapist, so everyone is shocked when at 5 am the police guard at his bedside takes off the handcuffs and leaves. after many calls to the police, they tell us that their investigation showed that he was the victim, so he's not in custody.
no surprise here, but the man continues to act erratically. he was restrained in soft points after he was found naked in the hallway, soaking wet and wrapped in a bed sheet. he then got out of his restraints and was discovered drinking his urine, yelling "it is the blood of christ!! i am jesus!!". at this point he's completely out of control, threatening staff and staring at everyone with creepy dead eyes, so he's put in 4 point locked restraints.
it's obvious that this man is extremely mentally ill (duh). i came on shift and called the sheriff to make the patient a mental health hold. the sheriff arrives to the bedside just as security comes to help me unlock the restraints so i can change the patient's sheets. at this point he's peeing himself and screaming "change my sheets, bitch" at me. his brother arrived to bedside just as the patient arched his back up off the bed and starting screaming and shaking and speaking in tongues. i am wedged in the corner of the room, biting my lip as hard as i can so i don't laugh or cry, because this man is absolutely, terrifyingly insane and also appears to be possessed by some sort of demon. the brother starts screaming and swearing at the patient to stop it, and when that doesn't work he hauls off and slaps him hard across the face.
if that were my brother i would have done the same. he was then escorted out by the sheriff, and we went about our day.
it was one of the worst shifts that i've ever worked.
the patient was dead. he was jesus. we were persecuting him. the patient across the hall was satan and he and my patient we locked in "the ultimate battle". my patient foretold of this 77 billion years ago that he would come to earth and die. he was the king, and food will be brought to his mouth by beautiful women like milk to a baby. there was sexual innuendo and inappropriate suckling whenever i offered him his glass of water. there were erections when we put him on and off the urinal. he would take ice chips into his mouth and then spit them out all over the floor because "i am god". he had animate conversations with angels and every once in awhile would just open his mouth and scream at the top of his lungs. he called me a liar and every other name under the sun and then talked about how this was heaven and we were "appreciating each others beauty".
it didn't help that the patient across the hall from him was also a mental health hold, and the screaming spun him up to the point that he tried to elope, and "ran" off the unit with his quad cane and his 1:1 sitter holding on to his gait belt for dear life.
it also didn't help that my other patient is a fresh brain injury who's not oriented at all, combative, and climbs out of bed every time he has to pee and it takes 4 of us to hold him up because he's so unsteady.
security was on the floor 3 times in 3 hours for 3 different patients.
the moon is not even full. this doesn't bode well for summer. and i'm going to have nightmares about the burning flames of hell.
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